By: Mustafa Ahmad
Edited By: Joseph Schneider
Sunday evening saw the Kansas City Chiefs, led by quarterback Patrick Mahomes, notch their 3rd Super Bowl win in 5 years. After 3 quarters marked by lethargic offense, the game broke open in the 4th quarter as the Chiefs and their opponents, the San Francisco 49ers, moved into overtime. After a San Francisco field goal, Mahomes and the Chiefs strung together a drive that ended with a touchdown pass to Mecole Hardman, cementing the Chiefs’ 25-22 win.
Amidst the game’s drama, the spotlight also shone on the budding romance between Chiefs’ tight end Travis Kelce and pop sensation Taylor Swift. Could their love be the secret to success? Perhaps it’s time to explore potential love connections that might boost other teams’ fortunes. Unfortunately, many NFL stars are already taken, but hey, who knows? Love might just be the winning strategy they need.
Baltimore Ravens – Patrick Queen and Dua Lipa
The team of yours truly. While acknowledging that the Ravens have done better than many teams in the NFL historically, the author of this piece would love for Lamar Jackson to get a ring at least once in his career. If love is truly the answer, we might have some traction on that front. Late in the 2023 season, Ravens linebacker Patrick Queen courted British-Albanian superstar Dua Lipa. Patrick Queen is a free agent this offseason, and the Ravens will have some tough decisions to make if they want to keep their formidable defense from this season intact. This author recommends they provide a way to keep Queen on the roster and implores Dua to give PQ a chance.
Buffalo Bills – Stefon Diggs and Cardi B
Even though Bills quarterback Josh Allen is dating Hailee Steinfeld, they could clearly add some extra star power to their arsenal, and Diggs has a reputation following him. When the star Bills wide receiver played for Minnesota, a viral video clip of his teammates circulated saying that he was the player they’d least like to date their sisters. Still, I suppose everyone deserves a chance at love. Diggs needs someone who matches or counterbalances his unfiltered personality. Enter Cardi B, apparently finally divorced from rapper Offset. Honestly, I have no idea what to expect if this actually comes to fruition, but come on, Bills Mafia. Make it happen. Make up for those 4 Super Bowl losses.
Cincinnati Bengals – Ja’Marr Chase and A’ja Wilson
In just three seasons together, Bengals and former LSU teammates Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase already have a Super Bowl appearance and two AFC Championship appearances under their belts. Despite an injury-riddled 2023 campaign, they are still poised to make a run again this season. But, if love is truly the answer, they have their work ahead of them. According to Ja’Marr Chase, he’s “always open.” You know who else is often open? Las Vegas Aces superstar A’ja Wilson. Rumor has it she just got out of a relationship, so shoot your shot, Ja’Marr.
Dallas Cowboys – The whole team and any other country
Sorry, Cowboys fans, it might take more than romantic star power to overcome your playoff woes. But maybe call yourself another country’s team instead of “America’s Team,” and your luck will turn around.
Detroit Lions – Amon-Ra St. Brown and Yara Shahidi
The Lions’ 24-year-old standout wide receiver is trilingual, boasting fluency in English, French, and German. He also has an incredibly cool name. We would have gone with Solange (meaning: “sun angel”) Knowles for the man named after the Egyptian sun god to get a little astronomy theme going, but she’s with someone else. So, we’ll need someone like Grown-ish star Yara Shahidi. She went to Harvard with a recommendation letter from Michelle Obama and definitely speaks more than one language. Although she might be looking for a break, I believe in your trilingual sun god rizz (charisma, for our older readership), Amon-Ra.
Green Bay Packers – Really?
You have Simone Biles. Do you need anyone else? Just ensure husband Jonathan Owens signs another contract with the Pack, and off you run.
Houston Texans – CJ Stroud and one of the Prewett Sisters
What a breakout season for the new-look Texans. Quarterback CJ Stroud and defensive end Will Anderson, Jr. with well-deserved Offensive and Defensive Rookie of the Year awards, respectively. Stroud has also garnered a reputation as a faithful and focused man. Such a wholesome individual deserves a wholesome partner. A friend of the author has informed him that Mallory and Mary Mykal, sisters of former Bachelorette contestant Madison Prewett, are both single and either would likely be good for CJ.
Philadelphia Eagles – D’Andre Swift and literally anybody
If love alone is not the answer and the name of Swift must also be involved, then the Eagles would do well to re-sign and support their first-option running back from last season. In that case, I think they should be good, regardless of who Swift ends up with.
San Francisco 49ers – Javon Hargrave and Saweetie
So many of the 49ers’ cast are already in committed relationships, making this one of the toughest picks on this list. Perhaps that’s why San Francisco has come so far and fallen short for so many years in a row now. It looks like Pro Bowl defensive tackle Javon Hargrave is very much single and has another three years on his contract with the 49ers. Enough time for him to start something with someone like, I don’t know, rapper and 49ers fan Saweetie? What can I say? It’s kismet. (Also, Dre Greenlaw, get well soon, friend).
Look, I’ll be honest: many of these pairings fall well short of the Kelce-Swift star power (you’ll notice we couldn’t find room for the Kardashian family in here). But you’ve got to start somewhere. On the off-chance any of the players or celebrities mentioned are reading this list, I know I made this list primarily for anxious fandoms. But give them a call. Give love a chance. You never know.