Sub Off Sweden’s Coast Found to be Foot-Long Pastrami

By MICHAEL ALLEN (@MikeAllenW)

STOCKHOLM — In a development described as “delicious” by Swedish Navy Capt. Jonas Wikstrom, the mystery vessel spotted last week in the waters outside of Stockholm was discovered to be a 12-inch nuclear pastrami hero with sauerkraut, brown mustard, and melted Swiss. A scrumptious search for the foreign sandwich started after an amateur food blogger photographed a compelling French roll surrounded by ripples of horseradish sauce emerging from the waves of the Stockholm archipelago. Helicopters, battleships, and dijon mustard combed the area for toasted grinders, but ultimately stood around the counter waiting forever for their number to be called before crumpling up their tickets and heading home. Now that the hoagie is in Swedish custody, the international community is expecting a smörgåsbord of intelligence reports complete with kosher pickles. At lunchtime, mayonnaise was being held in military detention where it awaits a full herring. Russian dressing continues to deny any part in the caper.