OBSERVER NEWS

White House Fence-Sitter Can’t Decide if He Wants to be a Felon or Politician

By MICHAEL ALLEN (@MikeAllenW)

WASHINGTON — White House security is currently debating whether or not to apprehend DC resident and up-and-coming politician Joseph Bailey, who has been straddling the south fence for the past several hours. According to on-the-fence sources, the 26 year-old Mr. Bailey is currently debating whether or not he wants to trade the self-imposed prison of suffocating bureaucracy, media spin, prevarication, and heavy image manufacturing for the comparatively liberating lifestyle of regional jail. Friends and family of the potential fence-jumper cite this behavior as “classic Joe” and say it’s about time for him to “just chose something and stick with it already.” At press time, Mr. Bailey had yet to realize that the two career paths, felon and politician, are not mutually exclusive, and often complementary.

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