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Art Critics Worldwide Unanimously Declare ISIS “Bunch of A-Holes”

Renowned art critic Eric Newton, were he alive today, would certainly call ISIS a load of s***. (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

Renowned art critic Eric Newton, were he alive today, would certainly call ISIS a load of s***. (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

By MICHAEL ALLEN (@MikeAllenW)

WASHINGTON, DC — Thousands of art critics from around the world issued a joint statement this morning unequivocally denouncing ISIS’s critical methodologies as unsound, unethical, and totally egomaniacal bullsh**. “ISIS clearly conveyed that it views art through a passionate critical lens, but we nonetheless find their wholesale destruction of irreplaceable thousands-year-old artifacts to be lacking in both nuance and cultural understanding,” remarked a critic who chose to remain anonymous in the name of high critique. “That, and it’s pretty much the most f****** awful thing we’ve ever seen.” Though art critics as a group have varying and sometimes conflicting approaches to their work, the joint statement left no room for ISIS to ingratiate themselves into their professional community. Sledgehammer and power tools were highlighted as unfit implements of critical analysis particularly when applied to stone carvings of ancient deities dating back to the 7th century BCE. The statement went on to say that ISIS’s craven destruction of antiquity, even if it is generously framed as deconstructionist performance art, “remains unquestionably in the realm of dipsh** behavior.”

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