OBSERVER NEWS

HNC student makes big money on new AQI app, plans to drop out of program

by: ANNA WOODS

AQI Satire photo.jpg

source: Pexels.com, Wikimedia Commons License


NANJING–Doing the unthinkable, one HNC student has created an app that profits from Nanjing’s air pollution issues.

“After taking Economics of Strategy with PAT, my newly accrued strategic mentality enabled me to figure out the perfect way to profit from the air pollution situation. They’re calling me the new Jack Ma,” says Kevin, MA student turned app entrepreneur.

Kevin noticed that everyone had different reactions and motivations when it came to their AQI application on their phone. Some students, upon seeing a high number, chose not to exercise that day. Others refused to leave their room, huffing on a can of high quality Swiss oxygen, while the rebels chose to go out to the track to do 5 Navy SEAL workouts in a row, declaring it “un-American” to “yield to Chinese pressures”.

Kevin realised that if he could hack the brain, he could give each user a different AQI number, contingent on their mood at the time, thus maximising user experience. For lazy hermits, they will always see a perilously high dose of AQI in the air, justifying their natural proclivity to never leave their room. Vaguely motivated people will get the odd clean day interspersed with mostly high pollution, while the exercise bunnies will never see a day over 50.

When asked if he felt guilty about making an app that actively deceived people as to important health information, Kevin shook his head pitying.

“If we’ve learned anything this year, it’s that people believe what they want to believe. The truth is literally the last thing anyone cares about. Fact checking has gone the way of the dodo.”

His planned next step is to partner with popular food delivery service, Meituan, customizing advertisements and deals to each user. Referrals will boost revenue even higher, and Kevin is planning to drop out of the degree program. “Now that I have my business, why would I bother getting my MA?” He does however intend to continue living in the HNC dormitory, with its rarefied air-filtering system. “There’s no way I’m moving to accommodation that doesn’t have PM 2.5 filtration. That stuff’s dangerous, man.”

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