By: Becky Wong

Translated By: Jay Figueredo

While most of my classmates arrived at HNC this year with two enormous suitcases, the “luggage” I had brought with me was two young children.  As a mom nearing her forties, I graduated from Nanjing University over a decade ago.  I found the courage to return to this campus, with great expectations for the year ahead mixed with fears and worries. Yet, I had no idea what future challenges would mean for my three social identities—as a corporate employee, an HNC certificate student, and a mother of two.

To keep these three balanced, I set a lot of precise alarms: at 7 AM, one wakes me up so I can prepare breakfast for my two kids.  Then, one reminds me to get to my 8 AM class at HNC.  The alarm after class helps me get to the library or the office to handle work.  The 5 PM alarm reminds me to return home to make dinner, the 10 PM alarm to get me to keep working.  Finally, the 12 AM alarm tells me it’s time to turn off the lights and sleep.

But even with such a precise schedule, the conflicts of my life often leave me in a quandary: should I attend a 7 PM lecture about the China-Myanmar border, or should I go back to accompany my two little kids?  Should I spend the two free hours in the evening working, or preparing for my Financial Crises class?  These choices have gradually taught me how to make trade-offs and balance work, family, and study.  Even though I run into the same dilemma again and again, each choice gives me a unique experience.  I don’t have to give up evening lectures every time, just because I’m a mom.   I was even more excited to immerse myself in new knowledge from lectures when my family are supportive.

At HNC, I once expected to be able to play all three roles perfectly, but the reality was that I’m usually burnt out.  To finish my dissertation, I have to sacrifice time with my children.  To work my day job, I’ve had to ask professors to excuse me from class.  During my time here, I’ve come to realize more clearly that my growth isn’t about becoming my “perfect self,” but a stronger self.  I constantly face challenges, and I constantly embrace failure, recognizing that I am not good enough while still striving for a better me.  I have recognized my own vulnerability, and at HNC, I have become more courageous and resilient.  I feel grateful that my learning experience at HNC will become a life-long treasure.

一个妈妈的新身份

作者：BiQi Huang

翻译者：范灵珊

编者：魏曹睿

当我的同学都是拎着两个大大的行李箱来HNC报道时，我的“行李”却是两个瞪着大眼睛的小朋友。作为一位年近40的妈妈，我从南京大学已经毕业十多年了，鼓起勇气再次回归校园时，内心既有对未来一年的无限期盼，也有对未知挑战的惶恐与担忧。我并不确定三重不同的社会身份——公司的职员、二胎妈妈和HNC证书班学生——对于我而言，将意味着什么样的人生挑战。

为了平衡不同的方面，我设置了很多精准的闹钟：早上7点起床为两位小孩准备早餐，8点到HNC上课，课程结束后到图书馆或者公司处理工作，下午5点离开HNC回家准备晚餐，晚上10点后继续投入工作，12点关灯睡觉。即使是如此精确的计划，不同角色的冲突也常让我感到纠结：我是应该参加晚上7点的中缅边境讲座还是回家陪伴两个小孩子呢？今晚两个小时的闲余时间是准备工作还是阅读经济危机的文献呢？对于这些冲突的抉择让我逐渐学会如何进行权衡与取舍，又如何平衡工作、家庭与学习。即便是不断地面对相似的抉择难题，我不同的选择都让我获得的人生体验也是有所不同。我不一定每一次都受限于“妈妈”的角色而放弃讲座。当我的家庭能给我支持时，沉浸于讲座中的新知识令我更为兴奋。

在HNC的求学中，我曾经期盼自己可以在不断的调整与平衡中，能成为在各方面都是“最优秀的人”，但现实中的我却是经常焦头烂额。我有时会牺牲陪伴小孩的时间来完成我的论文，又会为了工作的事情而不得不向教授请假。但这些过程令我更清晰地认识到我的成长并不是“最优秀的人”，而是“更努力的自己”。我不断地面对挑战，同时也不断地拥抱失败，在承认自己并不优秀的过程中依然努力地追求“更好的自己”。我意识到了自己的软肋，也在HNC的学习中让自己变得更为勇敢与顽强。我很感激在中美中心的学习经历将成为我一生的财富。

Edited By: Jay Figueredo and Caorui Wei