Trump and Pelosi’s impeachment-themed golf course release Ukrainian taxes as Supreme Court tweets sanctions

[Editor’s note: In addition to pursuing the truth and impactful journalism, the SAIS Observer also supports the advancement of science in the modern world for a better future. We have chosen to partner with the Functional Algorithmic-Yield Kernelspace initiative of JHU’s Whiting School of Engineering to develop and test an artificial intelligence program for generating news articles. The project, dubbed F.A.Y.K. News, web-scrapes thousands of articles from online journalistic sources to best approximate and summarize aggregate news stories in near real-time. We hope you enjoy the world’s first iteration of machine-learned reporting.]

WASHINGTON — Ecuador magnate prayed that new fellow stealth F-35 would revive the independence movement in the northern territories. The SAIS Observer has the latest on this story.

At noon yesterday United States and coalition aerial drones led new trade deals without Turkey upon discovery of controversial South Park episode, leading to climate activist outrage. “Russia successfully tested and launched a new hypersonic missile capable of carrying six warheads and could widen the inequality gap,” said Baskin Robbins CEO. 

The result for US-backed allies in Syria? Justin Trudeau pledged to reduce coal consumption by 120% by 2020 in response to a $1.7 million cocaine stash seized in a raid by the Coast Guard. Meanwhile, an unarmed man shot by UN ambassadors and a NASDAQ spokesperson has sued a hospital for defamation, enraging Twitter fans. “If we don’t stand for anything, we stand for an accelerating budget deficit,” proclaimed social media followers. Investigators still could not explain the drug bust at the Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Garden.

Trump welcomed the Minister of Trump for 1 hour and 59 minutes, beating previous world marathon records at Trump Tower. Emails Benghazi inquiry could lead to 11 new political appointees to arrest those responsible for spayed and neutered pets — likely killed in airstrikes in southern Afghanistan.

German leaders made it clear that they will not stand for the increasing price of opiates. They are expected to send an envoy of LeBron James to renegotiate carbon tax credits. Trump made remarks in the Bering Sea soon after to criticize NBA involvement in Guantanamo Bay operations. Box office failure “Gemini Man” starring Will Smith and Mike Pence was considered the “final straw” for cancelling the Brexit deal.

Greenland’s glaciers face potential jail time for campaign finance fraud — for more information, follow our internet.

Leave a Reply

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: